Honest Post

“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” – Mary Pickford

I typically have high hopes/beliefs in people. Right off the bat, no matter what my intuition says, I totally have faith in your utmost awesomeness. I may not tell you that, but I hope you feel it coming from me when we are together.

But, most people don’t trust me when I say things like that.

Maybe because I don’t trust them when they say things like that about me?

I wish my friends would trust me more. I wish they wouldn’t always think I have it out for them or am looking to one-up them or don’t like them. I’m not and I do like them.

I roam. I am a roamer. I am curious. I want to know things and places and people. I’ve been like that since high school. I go from one group, to another, to another and repeat. I don’t know why I do that but at this point, I won’t stop. Sometimes, I’ll do things (activities) once and never again just because I wanted to try it. This isn’t true of my design/multimedia/creativity interests, but I do rotate between them.

I was in grad school for Interior Design for two and a half years before I put it on the backburner for my job. My advisor questioned my dedication to the program and my mortgage company wanted to be paid each month. In hindsight, I could have planned things better and sold my house within a year. But I chose my path and I don’t regret it.

I get disheartened when people don’t live up to their utmost awesomeness. When that happens, I don’t lose faith, but I do lose a little of what feels like a part of me. However, it’s also a challenge to me to step up when that happens. To embrace the “shadow” in me that was reflected by those people…or however Jung put it.

I am a geek. I like to play with new technology. I like writing and making things.

I have a sister and brother that I care for deeply. I am learning to let them live their lives and make their paths.

I think my parents were specially chosen just for me. They are…the best parents.

I recently left my family church. My beliefs changed. For a long time, I tried to use every excuse in the book to leave besides just admitting to myself that I didn’t believe the same things anymore. It meant that I was now different and outside of what I had known. My frame of reference has expanded and I’m still trying to grasp how it has expanded…or maybe I shouldn’t…

I don’t get into relationships with guys beyond friendship often, lately. Mostly because I spent most of my 20s in a relationship and since I’ve been single, I want to enjoy being single. Some guys think that means something else. It doesn’t. I would like to date, but then again, dating just to be dating (without being friends first, anyway) sounds boring as hell. I’d rather hang out with friends and have a good time. If you’re my friend, we can hang.

I don’t buy this whole “poor black women, they don’t get married” bull. I also don’t buy the whole debate and back and forth about dating within/outside your race. As much as people try to make it untrue, love is love. It’s difficult and wonderful all at the same time.

While we’re on race, you probably won’t hear me talk about it much on this blog (okay, except to say “Yay, Obama!”). Yes, I’m black…but I’m more than black. Yes, I’m a woman…but I’m more than a woman. Yes, I’m beautiful…but…you get what I’m saying? I’ll let someone else talk about race and feminism (and how beautiful I am). What you’ll get here is Aisha. And more than Aisha.

And having said all that, you should know that it could all change again tomorrow. Which is part of the beauty of life, in my opinion.

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2 thoughts on “Honest Post

  1. Aisha, you’re beautiful, inside and out! Your true character shines through in your words — full of creativity and light and love & understanding. You’re truly an amazing person and I’m so grateful to get to know you through your blog and twitter. Keep it coming! 🙂

  2. 🙂 Thank you, Holly! I’m blushing and tee-hee-ing over here! I’m so glad to know you, too. It’s amazing the wonderful people you meet when you share…I have no words! Thank you!

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